Birth control, anyone?

As long as I can remember, I’ve never wanted to have kids.

I was never really a babysitter when I was younger, it just wasn’t my thing. I was a lifeguard, and that was hard enough having to be around kids at the pool all day.

When I think about little kids, all I can see is little drooling, messy, smelly creatures that don’t really know how to tell you what they want, so they just make a lot of noise and cry, therefore ruining the ambiance at any party, restaurant or public place that they are at. Kids are not my favorite thing in the world.

Before you hate me and tell me, “You were a kid once, too,” let me backtrack and say that I know not all kids are like this. I recently went to my sorority sister’s son’s first birthday, and he was the best baby I’ve ever been around. A smile on his face all the time, happy and laughing the whole day. And there have been people who have brought their kids over for dinner parties before, and they were little angels under the age of one.

But let’s get real: if I ever had a kid, he/she would a little terrorist with a foul mouth.

So why can’t I live the rest of my life child-free and happy? Do you know what life would be like without children? Do you know how much money you’d save? Instead of spending my hard-earned cash on a child, I plan on vacationing. A lot. And if I want to go out and grab a drink with friends or stay out all night, I don’t need to hire a babysitter. Life just seems so much more peaceful without a child, and that’s how I intend to keep it.

And although I don’t want to have children, I don’t judge my friends for having them. It’s a choice (or sometimes an accident) you make, and I know the more traditional line of thinking is that you grow up, get married and have children. I’m happy for them, because most of them make really cute babies! What bothers me is when people try to convince me that I actually DO want to have kids someday. “Who will take care of you when you’re old? What will you do when all of your friends have kids and you don’t?” Or my personal favorite: “Once you find the right person, you’ll want to have kids with them!”

Ummmm NO. I’ve been in a great relationship for a year and a half with an amazing person, and yet I still don’t ever want to have kids. Are you telling me he’s just not right for me since I don’t feel like popping a living being the size of a watermelon out of my vagina after being miserable and uncomfortable for nine months? I don’t think so.

So I’ll continue to come to your baby showers and kids’ birthdays, and I actually do enjoy shopping for those little munchkins (toddler clothes are pretty darn cute), but no matter what you say to me, I won’t be having my own. I’ll stick to dogs, vacations and long nights of getting lots of sleep.