“Remember your name. Do not lose hope – what you seek will be found.” -Neil Gaiman
For a short period of time this year, I lost hope.
A herniated disc in my lower back had me debilitated for several months during the spring, which sent me slowly down a path of depression. Not being able to sit down in a chair or walk very far at one time makes leading a normal life extremely hard. Little by little, my back problems were not only causing havoc in my life but in the lives of those around me.
It was hard for me to stay positive about the situation. I had never been in such pain in my life. I’ve passed over 30 kidney stones in my life, and I’d pass 30 more if it meant I would never have to deal with back pain ever again. But in reality, I know that the problem is likely to come back sometime in my life. As I was told by my boss at the time, “you might as well give up now because once you have back problems, you have them forever!” Now that’s an inspiring boss, huh?
As the weeks went by, my attitude got worse about the whole situation. I was miserable and felt helpless. I had a complete breakdown at my doctor’s office after a fight with my boyfriend about my health and attitude, and that’s when I realized I needed things to change. I was completely lost and only making things worse for myself. From that moment on, I knew something had to give.
I got some really great advice shortly after from one of my best friends, Kristy, about a woman named Sue Mortor who can heal you through acupressure and the power of positive thinking. To sum it up, every morning when you wake up and all throughout the day, you need to tell yourself that things are going to be okay. I would wake up and say to myself, “I can get out of bed and walk to the bathroom pain-free today!” I would get in the car and tell myself, “I can sit in the car for 20 minutes, and it’s going to be painless.” I would tell myself over and over, “My back is healing, I’m getting better.”
Combining that with better posture, breathing exercises and an amazing physical therapist, things began to look up. It wasn’t immediate, and I knew it wouldn’t be. Slowly but surely, I was becoming myself again. It’s okay to get lost, but it’s not okay to give up hope that you’ll find yourself again. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better…you simply have to want it to get better.
Today’s Think Kit blog prompt: “Share a time that you got lost this year, whether you didn’t know where you were or you were working on a project or activity so fiercely that you lost all sense of time and place. Did you learn anything?”