Groupon is the Devil

Although I check Groupon at least once a week, I’ve only purchased two Groupons. One was for an American Apparel discount (I bought a purple unitard and matching fanny pack, one of the best purchases of my life) and the other was for two oil changes at Butler Kia on Keystone.

While the American Apparel Groupon was a great success, things didn’t go as well with the oil change. I made an appointment at the car dealership a week in advance, showed up on time and then waited. And waited. And waited some more. AND SOME MORE. Over two hours had passed and my oil change still wasn’t done. I went up to the desk and asked about my car, to which I was told it wasn’t finished yet. Please tell me how an oil change takes over two hours?!

Well since I can’t keep my mouth shut, I very kindly told the lady that I had things to do today, this should have only taken 20 minutes, and I had to leave soon. She responded by telling me they were very busy.

What’s the point in making an appointment then?

After another 30 minutes or so, my car was ready. I got in the car, pulled out of the lot and turned onto Keystone to head to work. I made it all of two blocks before every single light on my dashboard lit up and my car stopped running. I put the car in park in the middle of Keystone with cars flying by me and sat in disbelief while my car beeped and dinged at me. WHAT IS GOING ON?

I called the dealership and told them the dilemma I was in. Their response? “Well we’re really busy right now, I don’t know if we have time to send a tow truck out to get you for awhile.” My response? “Well then I guess I’ll just call my father, who’s a lawyer, and see what he has to say about it.” The lady on the phone quickly changed her tune and a tow truck showed up about three minutes later.

It turns out that during my two and a half hour oil change, the geniuses who worked on my car forgot to put the oil back in, almost ruining my car in the process when I drove it off the lot. WORST GROUPON EXPERIENCE EVER. For compensation, they offered me another free oil change. SERIOUSLY? Why would I ever want to go back?

Now I have a whole new dilemma with Groupon. I work part time at a restaurant and we recently sold 1,200 Groupons; $15 for $30 worth of food. Sounds like a good idea in theory…we’ll be busy and have lots of new customers, right? Well here’s the flaw: are these Groupon customers going to be return customers? Will they ever come back to eat with use and pay full price? Let me tell you that strictly from their behavior and tipping, it’s doubtful. I don’t care if the Groupon takes $30 off of your bill, you still need to tip on that! I don’t work for free and I don’t wait tables for the fun of it. If you don’t have the money to go out, eat, pay your bill AND tip your server then you should be staying home.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many of you that understand this philosophy and tip accordingly, even when you have a discount or Groupon. I’ve actually made some really great tips from people using Groupons. But last night was a joke. I ended the night with about a 13% tip average.

So please, take mercy on your servers, and tip them accordingly even if you have a Groupon. They don’t make an hourly wage and have to deal with disgusting people day in and day out, usually with a smile on their face. I could write this entire blog simply on stories that have come from being a server, but I’ll spare you the details…it might make you lose faith in humanity.

You can chalk this post up as white people problems.

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